Thailand #1: Bangkok

'One's destination is never a place, but a new way of seeing things...' (Henry Miller)

What do you associate with Thailand... the food? Lady Boys? Ping Pong?! Stereotypes come with the territory nowadays, and if I'd chosen to listen to all the ones associated with this particular country, I probably wouldn't have even bothered coming! We've all seen 'The Hangover 2', and while the antics are indeed hilarious, I really didn't fancy ending up in a Thai prison as a result of some scam. Probably drug related. (OK, maybe this is a bit extreme.) However, being the hardcore travellers we are (eight weeks and counting), the promise of some sun and cheap living was enough of a reason to get on that plane. I can honestly say it's one of the best decisions we've made. From what we've seen so far of it, Thailand is absolutely stunning – so much ancient history coupled with by far some of the best beaches you'll ever see. But enough about the beaches - the next installment will be about our island hopping adventures - today I thought I'd concentrate on the notorious capital, Bangkok. This, for me, has been the biggest surprise of all - I loved every minute of it and can definitely see why so many westerners jump at the chance to come and work here.

I'm going to try really hard and not make comparisons with India although it's quite difficult not to: both countries are worlds apart in every possible way. Our time in India was amazing and I'm so glad I had the opportunity to experience such a weird and wonderful place, but after spending almost two months there, I didn't expect Thailand to be so, well, modern. Take our first taxi ride from the airport to the hostel, for example. I'd become so used to the constant beeping of horns that after a few minutes’ drive IN SILENCE I realised that driving in Bangkok wasn't the 'wacky races' that we'd been used to. What a relief! The cars were actually in decent nick too - we wouldn't have to worry about risking our lives by getting in death traps from now on! The streets are so clean, the skyline made up of impressive high rise buildings, there's a sky train?! Water taxis?! I could definitely get used to this!

I would never put 'shopping' and 'Bangkok' in the same sentence. Until now, that is. The only downside is that, being a traveller, most of the stuff I'd normally jump at the chance of buying is not very practical! I challenge anyone to come here and not walk away with something 'blag' - I've seen some of the best 'fakes' here than anywhere else, even Dubai. I've wistfully walked past Mulberry’s, Chanel’s, Louboutin’s... trying to rationalise with myself that denim shorts and flip flops are all that I need in the foreseeable future (a teeny part of me still thinks that I could rock a Mulberry with my backpack, though.) There are shopping malls on every street corner: there's one in particular, MBK, with seven floors. Seven floors. There's a whole floor purely dedicated to electronics - 'blag' iPhones, iPads and ‘Beats’ headphones galore! I tell you, it's taken amazing willpower (on my part) to resist such temptation, although I admit I got a bit hyper when I found a mall with a Topshop, Zara, H&M AND Forever 21 in. There isn't even a Forever 21 in Liverpool, for God's sake! And if you tire of the malls, there are always the markets - 'Chatuchak' market happens every Saturday, and it's a sodding maze: without a map we would have definitely gotten lost! The advantage of a market is that you name your price - we've gotten pretty good at bartering: tip - always halve the asking price and go from there! This particular place was a winner with me as they have a 'pet' section; there are puppies of any breed you could want: Chows, Chihuahuas, and, my absolute favourite, Pugs (I do admit they look like they've ran into a wall, but they're so cute!)

Aside from the shopping, Bangkok is famed for its cuisine: Thai food is a favourite of mine so I was excited to try it on its home turf. Now, these malls are equipped with massive food courts, boasting international as well as traditional Thai food. But if you want to experience how the locals eat, and save a few pennies, head to the street. Street food is a concept slightly foreign to us Brits - although we're partial to the odd burger van, the idea of eating our dinner at the road side is a bit odd. Well, not here. I was a bit apprehensive at first, after six weeks off the meat, but I had nothing to worry about as it’s all freshly cooked right in front of you. I'm a bit of a spice freak so I love the fact that chillies are a staple ingredient to almost everything! Yes, there are some things that I can't bring myself to try - deep fried scorpions do not make my mouth water - but there's so much else to choose from: traditional 'Pad Thai', noodle soups, seafood, fresh fruit... and all for a fraction of the price you'd pay in a restaurant and probably nicer, if I'm honest.

I have become somewhat more relaxed in my appearance whilst travelling. I admit, a tan does help so there’s no need to pile on the bronzer and you can’t go wrong with shorts and a vest in the heat! But without my trusty rollers and extensive wardrobe, it’s quite hard to feel, well, nice. In India it didn't really bother me – I was actively trying to cover up to avoid ‘Peeping Toms’ – but here in Bangkok it’s a completely different kettle of fish. The women take so much pride in their appearance, a refreshing change after staring at sari’s for so long. Just walking down the street, you see girls with perfectly tonged hair rocking a smoky eye holding onto their designer handbag. And it’s early morning! They also love their heels – kind of reminds me of being back in the ‘Pool, although I must say they are slightly more elegant than some of the WAG wannabes you see strutting round Liverpool One. Whereas us Scousers all have our spray tan fix on speed dial, Thai women are taking it to the other extreme and actually bleaching their skin to achieve a porcelain complexion. I'm not kidding – actively making yourself pale? Unheard of where I come from. Shops are filled with ‘whitening’ creams, pastes, gels… adverts on the television are promoting this ‘fresh’ complexion, but surely this is more dangerous than applying a bit of Sun Shimmer? At least we can scrub ours off; these poor girls are actually damaging their skin for good.

I can't write about Bangkok and not mention Lady Boys, they come hand in hand. We'd been warned to expect them, but I was in no way prepared for the sheer amount of them. They're everywhere! I actually quite like it - it shows how opened minded the country is and how accepting they are of different sexual orientations. My first encounter with a ‘she he’ was in Boots: I was happily stocking up on EVERYTHING and went up to a sales assistant to ask her if what I was holding was actually face moisturiser (Thai is impossible to decipher). I was met with a resounding 'Yes' in the deepest voice - not ladylike at all! Upon closer inspection, she was indeed a 'he'! Honestly, from far away, you would have no idea - their make-up is impeccable with not a hair out of place, cracking figures and some with boobs worthy of a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon. The Mac also made a friend in the lovely ‘Pam’ who cut his hair, not realising it was a fella until he saw her rather large hands in the mirror chopping away at his barnet! These are the 'upmarket' ones: there are others that fall into the 'transvestite' category and wouldn't be out of place at a cabaret, bless them.

Aside from this, the Lady Boys are not the only attraction to the bright lights of Bangkok: the abundance of 'go-go' bars in the tourist districts bring with them the presence of many 'working' girls, where the job description goes far beyond the bar. These 'bar beer' girls are not outright prostitutes: when they set their sights on a western man, their intentions are way past the bedroom. They look at it as a business deal where they are compensated for their time and basically act as a girlfriend for the duration of the gentleman's holiday. They are rewarded for their time with day trips, meals, nights out on the town and presents. Very ‘Pretty Woman-esque’. This is why older, more vulnerable men are always a target because they tend to have more of a disposable income and, frankly, cannot believe their luck that they've managed to bag a Thai girl in her twenties. I don’t believe for a second that these men are unaware of what they’re getting themselves into – being ‘had off’ here is so highly publicised that they must just be that desperate for company. Who am I to judge, though? I lost count of the amount of times I saw a Thai girl strolling hand-in-hand with a man old enough to be their dad. I don’t know why; hiring a girl is probably easier than renting a scooter here. Many of these girls are lured from rural regions during the 'dry' season, knowing this type of work will bring home the bacon. It’s quite funny to watch them work their magic but, if I was trying to lure a western gent, I’d start by making myself look half decent; some of the girls hanging around outside these bars look like they've just got up! And their dancing leaves something to be desired – what is sexy about a girl half-arsed swaying her hips to the beat whilst walking around a pole? Not much, in my book!

As well as seeing a real live Lady Boy, Bangkok is the first place I've experienced a Thai massage. I pictured picture a calm, peaceful atmosphere on one of those tables with a hole for your head, maybe a bit of Zen-like music… Not lying face down on a makeshift mattress fully clothed and packed in with countless others like sardines! It was not relaxing in the slightest – the woman I had was either extremely tired or bored as she yawned her way through it and seemed more interested in having a chat to the woman next to her. Oh well, what do you expect for £3?! On another note, if you've ever been to a Thai cinema, you’ll know what a strange experience it is, watching the trailers. I was contentedly munching on my popcorn (note: they have caramel flavoured popcorn, a real winner) watching the trailers when, all of a sudden, everyone in the theatre stands up. ‘What’s going on?’ I'm thinking, ‘Are we evacuating?’ Turns out it’s customary at the beginning of every film to pay tribute to the Thai King, and a montage of him and his family accompanied by a big ballad (could be the Thai national anthem, for all I know) blasts out for a couple of minutes. Then everyone sits down and carries on like nothing’s happened. Very strange. Imagine if we all had to get up and sing our national anthem before every film? People would be going mental that their nachos were getting cold!

Bangkok is a city with something for everyone – it’s a major business hub with a lot of companies having international offices here, and the shopping and night-life rival those of other major tourist hotspots. However, if you’re more of a ‘culture vulture’ there’s plenty to do in terms of sightseeing – we spent a good few days viewing ancient Buddhist temples, wandering around the Grand Palace and sailing down the Chao Phraya River. There is one place we did go to that not many guidebooks mention; I’d never even heard of this place, but I am travelling with the world’s biggest geek when it comes to researching a city! The Siriraj Medical Museum is located inside an actual working hospital (bit of a nightmare to find) and it rose to fame in the early nineteenth century as Thailand’s first western medical centre. What a weird little place this is. Bodies preserved in formaldehyde to display certain conditions and the extent of some injuries. Babies with the most horrendous disfigurements, skulls with bullet holes… They've even got some bodies that have naturally mummified – the labels next to them explained they were those of rapists and murderers and were preserved as a warning. Lovely. What a way to brighten your day. If you’re medically minded or genuinely interested in this sort of thing, I guess it would be extremely fascinating, but I can just about deal with a paper cut, let alone pictures of bodies blown to pieces!

So, as much as I enjoyed the sights and sounds of Bangkok, my tan was beginning to fade: it’d been a few weeks since Goa and I was starting to have sun withdrawal symptoms! The islands were calling… what ‘first’s’ could I tick off the list next? Snorkelling  Maybe a bit of diving… More importantly, as luck would have it, we’d be in the vicinity of the infamous ‘Full Moon’ Party. Buckets of alcohol, neon body paint… Oh dear!