Monday 19 August 2013

Good Morning, Noon and Night, Vietnam: A six week tour

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour  Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

Hey, guys! Long time, no blog? Apologies, it’s been a whirlwind past few weeks. The beginning of the end of our (South East Asia) travels is upon us, and today I'm going to recall our time in Vietnam. It’s easy to draw comparisons with Thailand – the vastness of the country (it takes AGES to get anywhere. I reckon I've spent nearly a full week out of the six we spent here in transit), the food, the people… Whilst I still haven’t made up my mind, there’s one thing that I do know. There’s something here for everyone. There’s the mountains of Sapa for those who are climbing inclined (see what I did there?!), big, bustling cities like Hanoi and Saigon for the culture vultures and last, but not least, those all-important beaches in Nha Trang and Mui Ne for sun worshippers like moi. Anyone who says they didn't like Vietnam clearly spent too much (or too little) time in one place – once you've seen a few of the cities you get a general vibe as to what’s more your ‘thing’; mine was a no brainer from the start – anything involving the art of sunbathing will always be a winner in my book!

I'm not going to sit here and give a full blow-by-blow account of each city we visited (if you’re that way inclined, invest in a guidebook. Much more informative than I’ll ever be). No, I'm just going to reflect on some of the highlights and see where it takes me. Right, let’s start with this. Stereotypes. We all know what one is and probably judge others due to them. We all do it. The media and society in general are to blame. Anyway, the reason I bring it up is that, whilst participating in some obligatory culture stuff on another ‘city’ tour; this time, in the capital Saigon (also known as Ho Chi Minh. Confusing, I know. Anyone else think that they were two separate places? No, just me then…) we got talking to two British girls. One was from Nottingham (I was slightly perplexed, disappointed even, that she did know where ‘Ocean’ was and did not share in my happy memories of drinking apple VKs whilst dancing to the Bay-watch theme tune) and the other, from London. A ‘posh’ Southerner. Who was quick to comment that, when she learned we were from Liverpool, she didn't think that ‘people from Liverpool travelled’. Excuse me? What are we, aliens? Or too busy robbing hub-caps and wandering in the streets in our Lacoste trackies and Rockports? Get a grip, love. How can someone make such a flippant comment in this day and age?

Her comment got me thinking: what is a ‘typical’ traveller? Anyone who has read my previous blogs will remember my categories of what ‘type’ of traveller you are, but not once did I factor in where anyone was from. Or age, for that matter. I guess the ‘stereotypical’ answer to that would be the 18-23 group, either before or after university. It got me thinking, are me and the Mac too old for travelling? With a combined age of over FIFTY (good God), are we ‘past’ it? Well, after becoming buds with a British couple poolside in Mui Ne, I can tell you we’re definitely not. And I left there feeling completely inspired and energised. Mui Ne itself is a beautiful resort in the South of Vietnam but, unfortunately, is beginning to lose its authentic charm due to the huge Russian influence. Vietnam is to Russia what Spain is to us Brits so the locals are catering more and more to them with all shops having Russian sign-age and most restaurants handing out Russian menus. Now, I personally don’t know anyone Russian so I don’t mean to offend when I say this. They’re very, well, abrupt in their way of communicating. Almost aggressive. ANYWAY, back to our British buds. Amongst the crowds of Russians we got chatting to two Brits by the pool. They’d been travelling for almost a year and, by the sounds of it, had had a fantastic time. And they were both in their forties. They’d decided to quit their jobs and see the world. They weren't weird, hippies, or ‘strange’ in any way. Just a ‘normal’ couple wanting to see the world while they could. After meeting them, I reviewed my thoughts on the ‘stereotypical’ traveller. You’re never too bloody old. If you want to see the world, go out and see it. What’s holding you back is YOU (there’s an inspiring travel quote for you!)

Right, less philosophical crap and more on Vietnam! I have to say, the Vietnamese are a noisy lot. Just in general, whether they’re on their phone, walking down the street… An hour plane journey from Hanoi to Nha Trang literally felt like an eternity. There were children EVERYWHERE. Parents either had no control of their kids running wild in the aisles or didn't care that their brats were jumping up and down in their seat whilst touching the overhead TVs and throwing sweets all at the same time. No, they were more interested in listening to their music or chatting to their neighbour. Both in raised decibels; Vietnam obviously doesn't sell headphones. This was also apparent on the many night buses we endured whilst here. They love to listen to music as a bedside accompaniment, as I do. Just they do it out loud. I spent many a sleepless night listening to (or trying to block out, rather) the dulcet tones of Vietnamese singers murdering 90’s classics. Bless them; maybe they've foregone headphones to purchase their bus tickets? Nope, wrong again. Most Vietnamese tend to prefer the aisle. No, not the aisle seat, the ACTUAL aisle. Makeshift mattresses are laid out and they literally sprawl out for the journey. Not ideal on an eighteen hour bus and you need the toilet. Trying to step over them in the dark to navigate to the back of the bus is impossible. The worlds’ trickiest assault course.

As expected, Vietnam has lost a lot of its authenticity due to the masses of tourists. We wanted to experience some ‘real’ Vietnam, hence our visit to Ninh Binh. It’s a small town two hours south of Hanoi and it’s virtually untouched by tourists. So much so that there are no actual restaurants and to this day I’m thankful that our guest house did food. Nat + no food equals hell! We thought we’d take advantage of being among the few tourists and visit the local sights. ‘Tam Coc’ is a selection of beautiful caves set against a backdrop of limestone mountains (very picturesque) and a tranquil boat ride around the caves seemed like a great way to kick-start the day. Ha. The lady rowing our boat clearly fancied a leg workout rather than her arms, as she preferred to row and steer the boat with her feet. She must've had legs of steel, to ferry two Westerners around; she was only tiny! Feeling bad, I offered to help, and was immediately given an oar. Rowing is hard work, that’s all I have to say. So, the serene boat ride I’d envisaged turned into a workout with me concentrating on the rowing rather than the scenery. The fitness fun continued as we approached ‘Mua Cave’; just a mere 470 steps to the top of this mountain that boasts spectacular panoramic views. Have you ever counted to 470? It’s long and tedious, believe me. And to top it all off, the view wasn't even that great as it was masked by clouds and fog!

With the travels coming to an end, I thought it best to get myself sorted. I mean, I've adopted the carefree attitude of a seasoned traveller the past few months, but I can hardly rock up to an interview in Sydney with bushy eyebrows, horrific hair and crap clothes now can I? The Scouse in me point blank refuses. So, Hanoi was my refuge, if you like, to get back to some form of normality. A quick and cheap eyebrow wax gave me two separate ones again and I threw out the Harem pants and tattered Havaianas and replaced them with good old H&M basics. Reluctantly, it was time for a trim, too. I'm VERY particular about my tresses; my hair is my ‘thing’, you see, and at home I let no one bar a few select individuals cut it. So, you can imagine my hesitation letting people who can’t even speak English loose on it. The lad in Tony & Guy was very sweet, bless him, but I was paranoid he’d cut too much off so made him show me the amount he was cutting off each time. And I have a lot of hair. He did a great job, though, and even curly blow dried it for good measure at the end. I sauntered out of there feeling very Carrie Bradshaw-esque. After five minutes in the heat, though, it was more of a birds’ nest. Bloody humidity…


And that’s it, my friends. Vietnam in a nutshell. Stay tuned for a final ‘farewell’ post rounding up the last eight months… It’ll be emotional. 

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